The blogger
Echidne of the Snakes had a post (related to the Bechdel test) yesterday that struck a chord with me:
"There's even a connection to that Sudden Muteness Syndrome so many women have experienced: You make a suggestion at a meeting and it drops like a rock into a pool of murky water. Then some guy makes the same suggestion and suddenly it is discussed, debated and so on. And you leave the meeting wondering why you suddenly seem to have turned into a mute and digging deep inside yourself for all sorts of self-blaming explanations. Until you learn that the Sudden Muteness Syndrome is really common among women who attend meetings, and that it should really be renamed The Sudden Male Deafness Syndrome."
What I find particularly telling about this syndrome is that so often it happens in groups where I would be willing to swear that the men involved are a. not consciously sexist in any way and b. respect my intelligence and that of the other women present.
But I see this all the time - in classes, in D&D games, in meetings, and in casual conversations over dinner. It seems to happen most frequently in groups of at least six people where there are no more than two women (perhaps because of the "three women" rule), although I don't have more than anecdotal statistics there.
It's also self-perpetuating. You make one suggestion, and it gets ignored until a guy makes it, and so the next time you have a bright idea, you stay quiet, or mention it first to the guy sitting next to you so that he can be your champion to the group, or offer up your thought surrounded by hedging words like "Maybe we could" or "What if we tried" rather than "You should" or "We will."
The worst part is, I don't know how to cure Sudden Male Deafness Syndrome. I'm pretty sure that the guys I know who are victims of it don't do it consciously at all, but no one reacts well to being told they're rude and inconsiderate (much less sexist). Women serving as each other's champions - "hey, did you hear what Jane just said? I think that's a great idea!" - helps, but gets annoying fast, especially if Jane's ideas aren't always great. I try and train people out of this habit in my classrooms, but I don't know how successful I am.
Any suggestions? Don't believe it exists? Think I'm just unassertive and whining?